The Masquerade
by KelleBelle
Summary: A month before Sirius is scheduled to begin Hogwarts, Regulus is killed and Dumbledore devises a plan to keep Sirius safe until he comes of age. Of course, this plan also involves a very elaborate disguise. And lo, meet Alex Rendall.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One **

Sirius Black had been excited about going to Hogwarts, though he hadn't expected to arrive a month before everyone else.

Of course, he hadn't expected a lot of things, though he didn't think anyone could blame him for that.

He was currently under Madam Pomfrey's care in the Hogwarts infirmary, as he suspected he had been for some time. His memory of the past few days was fuzzy at best, though he remembered the events at Grimmauld Place all too well.

Sirius was about to ask Madam Pomfrey for some more of her dreamless sleep potion when Professor Dumbledore walked in and gave Sirius a small smile.

"Ah, I see you're finally awake, Mr. Black. How are you feeling?"

Sirius shrugged. He didn't know how he felt—numb, maybe.

Professor Dumbledore nodded, and conjured a chair beside Sirius's hospital bed. It was then that Sirius noticed he was carrying what appeared to be a very old, very worn hat with him.

"What's that for?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Oh, this?" Dumbledore gave another small smile. "This, my boy, is the Hogwarts Sorting Hat. It decides what House all new students will be in."

"Oh." Sirius gulped as he fought a new wave of tears—it was so stupid, after everything that happened, that he would be brought to tears just because he wouldn't be allowed to attend school at Hogwarts. Really, he had much bigger problems.

"I thought we'd let you be sorted early."

Sirius, who had been concentrating very hard on the soft white bedding surrounding him, jerked his head up at those words._ Surely, Dumbledore couldn't mean…? _

"But—but my parents will find me, if I go here," Sirius said, confused.

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, I rather suspect they would, if _Sirius Black_ were to attend Hogwarts."

Sirius wrinkled his brow in confusion. "But you just said—oh. _Oh! _You mean, I would be disguised as someone else?"

"Yes."

Sirius considered this. _He could still go to Hogwarts, after all! _"So, just a new name and change my hair to brown and my eyes to blue, and that's that?"

Dumbledore sighed. "I'm afraid that wouldn't be enough. Your parents already suspect that Andromeda may have brought you to me, and if a mysterious male student arrives at Hogwarts this year they would surely investigate. Once they discovered the truth, I would have no alternative but to return you to them."

Sirius, who had just felt happy for the first time in recent memory, wasn't about to give up that easily. "But Professor, there _has_ to be a way to disguise me!"

Dumbledore nodded his head slowly. "Yes, I do believe there is. But I don't know if you would be willing to agree to it. It would require a great deal of deception on your part."

"What do you mean, Professor?"

"I have an idea that I believe may work, but I want you to consider it very carefully before you decide. Can you do that for me, Mr. Black?"

Sirius looked Professor Dumbledore in the eyes and nodded.

"It would be impossible for you to attend Hogwarts—or any wizarding school on the continent—as a young male, no matter how well disguised. We need for you to remain undetected by your parents until you come of age. The only disguise that I believe has a good chance of working would be if we glamoured you to appear female."

This silence that met this last statement lasted several moments before Sirius started to laugh.

Dumbledore waited patiently for the laugher to subside as Sirius realized that this was not a practical joke.

"But—but Professor—_me?_ A _girl? How--?"_

"It's a fairly simple glamour spell, actually. It will enable you to appear female to everyone, including yourself, while your body remains physically unchanged. We would also have to alter your voice so it remains higher. Both spells would require you to refresh them every twenty-four hours, but other than that they require little upkeep."

Sirius looked at Dumbledore, dumbfounded.

"I realize this is—er, rather unconventional—but I believe it is your best chance of disguise. After all, who would think to ask a young girl about Sirius Black's whereabouts?"

"If—if I didn't want to go along with this," Sirius said, careful to keep his tone as neutral as possible, "what would happen to me?"

"I would, of course, provide you with an education, though it would have to take place outside the walls of Hogwarts. Most likely I would send you and a tutor into hiding, where you would complete your studies until you turned 17."

"I would be _alone_—with a _teacher_—for _six years?"_ Sirius yelped.

"Then you understand why I do not prefer that option," Dumbledore said.

Sirius groaned.

"I do not wish to make up your mind for you, Mr. Black," Dumbledore continued, "but I believe it is in your best interest to attend Hogwarts. Other than your disguise, you would be a normal student, inasmuch as any student is normal." His eyes twinkled mischeiviously. "We would have to construct a background for you, of course, and you would have to room separately from everyone else, but those are problems that can be dealt with easily, as long as certain precautions are taken."

Sirius thought for several long moments, though he knew his mind was already made up. He would not leave Hogwarts and Professor Dumbledore, no matter how humiliating this disguise was going to be. He took a deep breath and said, finally, "What would I have to wear?"

Dumbledore appeared surprised for a moment before he began to chuckle, his eyes twinkling behind his half-moon spectacles. "Plain black robes are normal dress for all students, both male and female."

"I wouldn't have to wear knickers or anything, would I?" Sirius demanded, his cheeks slightly hot.

Dumbledore appeared as though it was requiring great effort not to laugh. "No, Mr. Black, knickers would not be necessary. The glamour only works on—ah, the visible parts of your body."

Sirius gave a sigh of relief. He had been very worried about would happen _down there._

"Okay, Professor Dumbledore," Sirius said finally. "I'll do it."

Just as suddenly as he had started chuckling, Professor Dumbledore became sober once again. "If you do this, Mr. Black," he said, sounding grave, "you would have to maintain complete secrecy. Your disguise could not be compromised, no matter what. You would have to keep your identity secret from everyone. If anyone discovered who you really were, I would be unable to protect you from your parents, and you would not be able to testify against them, as they would undoubtedly prevent you from doing. Do you understand the full gravity of this situation?"

Sirius closed his eyes and thought about his dead brother, Regulus, and how his parents would make sure he was next if they found him. He thought about his cousin, Andromeda, who had saved him before it was too late. And he thought about revenge, and how he had to stay alive.

Sirius opened his eyes. "I understand," he said firmly.

Dumbledore gave him a sad smile, and handed Sirius the Sorting Hat.

With hands that only shook slightly, Sirius placed the Hat on his head. He didn't even have a chance to think _not Slytherin_ before the Hat boomed, "GRYFFINDOR!"

Dumbledore beamed, though Sirius could tell he wasn't surprised.

After a few moments consideration Sirius realized he wasn't, either.

* * *

Sirius was sitting in a compartment alone aboard the Hogwarts Express, already dressed in his Hogwarts robe. His glamours were fresh; he'd cast the renewing spell just before he'd portkeyed from the castle to King's Cross with Madam Pomfrey. Even though he was already sorted ("we'll have to make sure you have the proper living arrangements, after all,") he had to do it again in front of the school. Sirius liked to think of it as a huge prank—he has to trick _everyone_, so it has to be convincing.

A few days after he'd told Dumbledore he would agree to the disguise, Professor Dumbledore had held a meeting with his head of house, Professor McGonagall, as well as Professor Flitwick and Madam Pomfrey. Professor Dumbledore told Sirius that all of his professors would know who he really was, but that they were sworn to secrecy and would only use the information to help him. At first Sirius had been worried about so many people knowing his secret, but then he'd met them all (except for Professor Sprout, who was busy with planting something called a Whomping Willow) and had been relieved.

Professor Flitwick had cast the glamour first. Sirius was expecting to immediately feel weird and different, but to his surprise he didn't. Of course, nothing could have prepared him for when he looked in the mirror.

His dark hair, which he usually kept fairly short, now went past his shoulders. He also had bangs. His cheekbones, which were already high, now had a much softer edge. His eyelashes were longer, and while his eyes were the same shade of grey, the overall effect was dramatic. His lips were fuller and pinker, and his nose was slightly smaller.

When he looked down at his hands, he realized that they were much smaller, and all the angles of his body were more curvy. (Luckily Madam Pomfrey had agreed that giving him the appearance of having _other_ curvy girl parts was not necessary, as not every girl was particularly curvy, especially not this early. He liked his chest flat, thank-you-very-much.)

The spell that made his voice higher didn't produce nearly as dramatic a change as everything else had since his voice wasn't all that deep to begin with. Still, it took him a few weeks before he began to recognize the unfamiliarly high cadence as his own.

None of these changes alone would have made him unrecognizable as Sirius Black, but together the transformation was shocking. Overall, he made a worryingly attractive girl.

Since he didn't feel any different (except for when he looked in the mirror, which made his stomach flip with nervousness) the change that had been the hardest to get used to was responding to his new name.

He'd poured over a book of names Professor Dumbledore had provided him, knowing that he'd need a new first, middle, and last name. In an effort to distance himself as much from family tradition as possible (as well as wanting to have a relatively unisex name, as Sirius felt he would rather die than go by a name like _Emily_ or _Susan_) he chose Alex Rendall (and kept his middle name Orion, at least in his head. If anyone asked he could tell them Orianna).

He was chanting his new name in his head as he sat in the empty compartment, fidgeting with anxiety. The three weeks he'd had at Hogwarts had given him plenty of practice to get used to acting like a girl once Madam Pomfrey declared him fit enough to leave the infirmary. Of course, he still found that he swore under his breath a lot (like when he got lost with all the revolving passages in the castle) but overall he didn't think he'd have to act all that differently. Some girls liked sports and some liked to get into trouble, so he didn't see the problem. It had its advantages too—at night, whenever he felt his eyes getting wet when he thought about Regulus, he could just tell himself that it was all the time he'd spent as a girl and was getting soppy because of it.

His chant of _Alex Rendall Alex Rendall Alex Rendall_ was interrupted when the door to his compartment opened and a red-haired girl poked her head inside.

"Hello," she said breathlessly, her cheeks pink. "Do you mind if I sit with you?"

"My name is Alex Rendall," Sirius blurted out. He cleared his throat, emabarassed from his awkward response. "Er, no, I don't mind."

She smiled and eased her way into the compartment, dragging in her trunk behind her. "I'm Lily Evans. Nice to meet you, Alex."

Sirius felt immediately ill at ease. _What if she could tell I'm not really a girl? Would she guess who I really am? _

Just as Lily was sitting down across from him, the compartment door opened and two more girls entered, giggling madly. "Hello," the chubby blonde one said. "Are you first years too?

"I am," said Evans, smiling at the two girls. "Would you like to sit with us? I'm Lily Evans."

"Okay," the blonde replied, and she and her friend entered the compartment as well.

Sirius thought, rather hysterically, that if he heard one more giggle and he would spontaneously combust.

The brunette declared herself to be "Margaret Munoz" and the blonde "Addy Johnson."

They all turned and looked at him expectantly, Lily with an encouraging smile and Addy with a raised brow. "Oh, I'm Alex Rendall," Sirius said lamely. He tried to smile, but he didn't think he had much success—the clawing panic inside him screamed _doom, imminent doom._ "Um, I think I'm going to go and look for—er, I'll see you lot later." And with that Sirius stood up and fled, giving Lily an apologetic glance on his way out.

Once outside the compartment Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. _Get a grip,_ Black—_Rendall,_ he told himself firmly. _I'll just find a compartment that's not full of girls, and I'll be fine. _

With that thought in mind, Sirius walked down the length of the train, glancing surreptitiously into the compartment windows to find one that wasn't too full and had no girls in it.

Sirius was on his sixth or so peek when he heard a high, nasally voice behind him saying, "Oh, I do hope that Slytherin won't have to put up with any more incompetent additions to the Quidditch team this year." Sirius froze, recognizing the snooty voice immediately as Narcissa Black's. He knew there was a chance he might run into her in the halls one day, but he never expected it to be so soon!

Without caring who might be inside, Sirius yanked open the nearest compartment door and closed it shut firmly behind him, breathing a sigh of relief. He turned around and thought, _well, at least there aren't any birds in here. Well, other than me,_ his mind supplied dryly.

Three boys who looked to be first years were staring at him with some surprise. One, who had black hair and glasses, was eating his way through a large pile of sweets, and was being aided by a shorter, cherubic looking blonde boy. The third boy had light brown hair and amber eyes and looked up at Sirius from his book, which Sirius recognized as _Hamlet. _

"Hello," he said, licking his lips. Never in all his life had Sirius been as nervous as he'd been today. He hoped his cocky confidence would return to him sooner rather than later. "I'm Alex Rendall. Are you first years too?"

The amber-eyed boy with the book nodded. "I'm Remus Lupin," he said, extending a hand to Sirius. Sirius smiled with relief and shook it.

"James Potter," said the dark-haired boy around what Sirius thought might be several chocolate frogs.

"Peter Pettigrew," said the blonde, looking at Sirius with something bordering on mild disdain.

"So, Hamlet," Sirius said, trying to appear as if he hadn't just burst madly into their compartment, "that's a brilliant book. One of my favorites."

Remus smiled warmly at him. "Mine too."

"Why, what's it about?" James asked, appearing genuinely curious. Peter rolled his eyes and grabbed a fizzing whizzbee.

"About a prince who wants to take revenge on his stepfather, who murdered Hamlet's real father, and then stole the throne," said Remus.

"I can identify," said Sirius softly, thinking about his own parents and how they'd—

He realized suddenly that the other boys were looking at him strangely. "Um," Sirius said, trying to think what he could say, "I mean, I understand why he wanted revenge—Hamlet would have been the rightful king, after all, and then Ophelia died. It was pretty rough for him."

Remus nodded, and James shrugged and went back to his sweets.

"Why're you here, anyway?" Peter asked accusingly, glaring at Sirius. "We don't want any girls in our compartment. We're doing _boy_ things."

"What are you, five years old?" Sirius asked hotly, surprised that anyone could be so immature.

Remus looked shocked. "Peter!" he said, "Apologize to Alex right now!"

James picked up a Quidditch book that Sirius hadn't noticed until then. "Do you like Quidditch, then?" he asked, eyeing Sirius appraisingly.

"Of course I do," Sirius scoffed. "I play beater."

"Do not!" said Peter. "Girls can't play beater! They're not strong enough."

"Oh yeah?" said Sirius, giving Peter a withering glare. "Fine, I challenge you to a wrestling match right here, right now."

Peter rolled his eyes. "I don't wrestle girls."

"Why not?" Sirius asked. "Scared, are you?"

"No!" Peter said indignantly. "I'm going to be sorted into Gryffindor, 'cos I'm so brave. I'm just noble, and I don't want to hurt you."

"You can stop if you think you're hurting me," Sirius gritted out between clenched teeth. "Come on, Pettigrew. Right now."

Five wrestling matches later (the first one Peter declared he hadn't really been trying, the second he lost, the third time he said James's laughter had distracted him, the fourth time his arm'd gone down without Sirius breaking a sweat, and the fifth time Sirius beat James who declared he must be _one bloody hell of a beater!)._ Sirius turned to Remus and grinned. "Wanna go?"

Remus shrugged. "You sure?"

Sirius gave him a winning smile. "Positive. C'mon, Remus. It'll be fun."

Sirius found he didn't really mind when Remus won the match.

* * *

**Notes: **Sirius is not transformed _into_ a girl; he is being disguised as one for reasons that will be explained fully as the fic progresses (yes, you read that right, I'm actually planning on _continuing_ this fic. Brace yourselves). The British surname "Rendall" means "wolf's shield," which I find incredibly appropriate.

**Feedback** is craved. Madly. Even if it's just telling me that _I'm_ mad. In which case, I'll probably agree with you. g


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

The best thing about pretending to be a girl, Sirius quickly discovered, was that people automatically underestimated you.

For example, when Severus Snape decided to make a snide comment about Remus's potion making skills during class, he was quite shocked when Alex sent a boiling hex at his cauldron, causing the contents to overheat and explode promptly in his face.

The bad thing about pretending to be a girl, Sirius thought as he spent his Friday night in detention, was that his professors knew not to fall for his innocent doe-eyes and fluttery lashes.

Sirius didn't return to the Gryffindor Tower from his detention until late Friday evening. He had a separate room from everyone else, since obviously he could room with neither the girls nor the boys. Professor McGonagall had told the students that Alex had a severe muggle disease called diabetes, which required her room to be monitored at all times. Luckily for Sirius, this could also provide a convenient excuse to disappear once every twenty-four hours and refresh the glamours that effectively disguised him as a girl while leaving his body physically unaltered.

"You're back, finally!" James said as Sirius walked through the portrait hole. "Cor, we thought we'd be waiting up all bloody night!"

"Oh yes, so sorry for keeping you up," Sirius said sarcastically, though secretly he was really quite pleased.

Peter glared. "We didn't have to, you know." _Ha! He's still smarting from those wrestling matches on the train_, Sirius thought smugly. _Puffed-up little git._

"You didn't have to do that for me," Remus said, the corners of his mouth turning up in the beginnings of a smile.

"Of course I did! Anything to defend your honor," Sirius replied brightly. James and Remus looked slightly amused, and Peter looked like he wanted to gag.

"Aren't you supposed to be defending her honor, Remus?" James asked, jabbing Remus in the ribs with a bony elbow and waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Somehow I doubt Alex needs anyone to come to her rescue," Remus said dryly. "She's not exactly a damsel in distress when she's the one starting the fights."

"Hey!" Sirius said indignantly, though he wasn't sure if it was for being mocked or for being called a girl. "I didn't start anything! Snape got what he deserved. That whole house is rotten."

"True enough," James agreed amiably. "Which is why we're on a mission tonight."

"A mission?" asked Sirius, intrigued. "What sort of mission?"

"A secret mission," said James expressively, a devious glint in his eyes.

Peter perked up and Remus glanced around the empty common room warily.

"Payback for you getting detention tonight," explained James. "We can't let Snape get away with it, or next thing you know the whole house will be out of control. We've got to keep the Gryffindor honor."

"Right," Sirius said. "I know my way around this school, but we'll still have to be extra careful not to get caught if we're going to sneak into the Slytherin dungeons. I haven't been down there except for potions."

James grinned. "No need to worry," he said, pulling out something from behind his back. "I've got this."

* * *

Three hours, two close calls, and one masterfully executed prank later, four boys returned to Gryffindor Tower declaring themselves the Marauders.

To no one's real surprise, the name stuck.

* * *

Sirius's first year at Hogwarts was over before it seemed to have really begun. Soon he was riding the train with his best friends James, Remus, and Peter home for the summer holidays.

Of course, none of them knew that for Sirius home was now Hogwarts, and he'd be portkeying back a few minutes after the train arrived at King's Cross.

"You'll write over the summer, yeah?" asked James before they pulled out their trunks.

"Course," replied Sirius, grinning around a mouthful of James's sweets. "You'll have to tell me about the Quidditch Cup."

"Don't worry, I'll bring you all back souvenirs."

"Thanks, James," said Remus. Something about Remus's voice caused Sirius to give him a second look; he was pale and looked feverish.

"Are you all right, Remus?" said Peter just as Sirius was opening his mouth to ask.

Remus grinned and gave a casual shrug. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll write you all over break. Don't get in too much trouble!"

"Ah, where's your Marauder instincts?" called out James as they walked off the train and onto the platform.

"I'm saving them for next year," Remus laughed. "You see, I'm actually planning on attending Hogwarts next year, unlike you three, so I have to maintain some modicum of control."

"Huh," said Peter, waving at a short blonde woman who appeared to be his mother. "And here I thought you were just boring! Well I'm off guys, see you later!"

"See you later Pete!" James yelled to his retreating back.

"Bye then," said Remus to Sirius and James, looking suddenly shy.

"See you later, mate," said James fondly. "Don't forget all our plans for next year!"

"He won't," said Sirius, grinning. "He's got them all written down on a list, I bet."

Remus blushed and waved as he hurried off and disappeared into the crowd, leaving only Sirius and James.

"Well Alex, I reckon next year'll be brilliant," said James. "Make sure you don't turn all girly on us over the summer, all right?"

Sirius scowled. "Don't worry," he said. "I'm sure it'll be quite the opposite."

* * *

That summer Sirius was allowed to quit using the glamours and spend time appearing male again.

He found that he didn't look too different from a year ago; he was a few inches taller, a bit bulkier, but other than that he looked much the same as he remembered.

He ate meals with Dumbledore and the staff who weren't on holiday, and spent his days flying on the Quidditch pitch and exploring the ever-shifting hallways of Hogwarts. Sirius even went for a dip in the lake a few times, though never at night—he wouldn't ever admit it, but the idea of being drowned by the giant squid was more than a little frightening.

Although he missed his friends, Sirius found that it was a relief to be himself again. Pretending to be Alex Rendall was hard work. Even if he could usually convince himself that it was as an especially challenging and brilliant prank, Sirius found he sorely needed the break.

James wrote him a few paragraphs every month, and sent a package containing a Quidditch poster and sweets along with an extra-long letter detailing every maneuver used at the Quidditch World Cup. James was disappointed that the Japanese team, the Toyohashi Tengu, had lost, but said that it was a brilliant game anyway.

Remus sent him very long and very interesting letters from various places around the globe. He sent Sirius sand from the shore of the Mediterranean Sea and a colorful silk shirt from India that was very nice despite its being very girlish. Remus always gave vivid descriptions of the places he visited, but to Sirius it seemed as if there was an underlying desperateness hidden between every grammatically-correct line. He figured he must be stressed from being in close proximity to his family for so long, though Remus had never said as much. It always surprised Sirius that James, Peter, and Remus got along so well with their parents. He didn't allow himself to be jealous, though, or else he'd never think about anything else.

Peter sent him a few letters at the beginning of summer and one rambling one at the end, amusing Sirius with stories that were amazingly commonplace yet utterly foreign to him at the same time—Peter's trip in Diagon Alley with his mother, shopping for a new owl with his father. Sirius was glad that Peter had finally warmed up to him, though he still suspected that Peter resented that a "girl" was stronger than he was.

Sirius missed his friends, but sending letters didn't help as much as he had hoped it would—he had to be careful about what he wrote, constructing a family that lived in Brighton and their long vacation in London. (Though the London vacation bit was easier, since he had lived there for eleven miserable years, before everything had come crashing down.) Remus asked if he had any siblings, and Sirius wrote in a shaky hand that _no, I'm an only child like you,_ before he had to push the parchment away so his tears couldn't run the ink.

* * *

Sirius's second year at Hogwarts proved to be both easier and harder to begin than the last one had.

On one hand, he had his friends and his house all sorted out, and didn't have to worry about constructing his identity. On the other hand, it was hard to give up the freedom he'd had over the summer and become Alex Rendall again. Just as he'd been getting used to his real reflection (and spending inordinate amounts of time turning and twisting and examining it from every angle), a girl was once again staring back at him from his mirror every morning.

Sirius found that it was easier if he didn't look, and soon settled into a blind routine of getting ready each morning and meeting James, Peter, and Remus in the common room before breakfast.

One day, a few weeks into term, Remus pulled him aside unexpectedly.

"Alex, may I ask you a—a personal question?"

Sirius's heart began to beat faster and he took a shallow breath, trying to remind himself that panicking would only give him away faster. "Sure."

"Do you ever find it hard to live with your—condition?" Remus asked quietly, the dark circles under his eyes dark against his too-pale skin.

Sirius thought _oh fuck, he knows,_ but couldn't stop himself from opening his mouth and answering truthfully, "Every day."

Remus nodded. "I don't know that much about your disease," he said finally, "but I think a part of me can—identify. I'm sorry I didn't ask you about it sooner, but I didn't know how to bring it up."

Sirius stood there utterly dumbfounded until Remus's words caught up with his brain. _Oh! He means the cover story McGonagall told everyone, that muggle disease. Sirius, you idiot._ Despite the disparaging voice in his head, Sirius could have laughed aloud with relief.

"It's okay, it's not really a big deal," he said, trying to make light of the conversation. "It hardly affects me at all, really. I mean other than having a separate room, and that's just in case. Really, having my own room is ace."

Remus's amber-brown eyes met Sirius's grey ones suddenly, and Sirius was surprised to see the emotion in his eyes, though he couldn't decipher what it was. Sadness? Pity?

Empathy?

But before Sirius could attempt to analyze it further Remus dropped his gaze, muttered his thanks, and drifted off towards the boys' dormitories.

_Something,_ thought Sirius to himself, _is definitely up._

_

* * *

_

"What is _wrong_ with you?" James Potter demanded, glaring at Remus and practically quivering with righteous indignation.

Remus looked exhausted and vaguely panicked. "Nothing, I just don't want to join."

"Bollocks!" said James, cornering Remus in the hallway outside their charms classroom. "You love Quidditch, I know you do, you told me so yourself this summer! You're brilliant on a broom, you'd make a great seeker or even a chaser—why the bloody hell won't you try out?"

"You're not listening to me," Remus said, now getting angry himself. "I said I don't _want_ to join, James. I'm not mad for it like you are."

"Liar," James accused. "You just can't give a straight answer, can you? Just like you make up stories about where you disappear off to every month. Well I'm sick of it."

"James," Sirius said, trying to end his best mate's diatribe, "Remus isn't an attention-seeking git like you are. Maybe he just doesn't want to play in front of the whole school. Leave it alone, for Merlin's sake."

"Shut up, Alex!" James yelled back, which worried Sirius much more than it angered him. Sirius had slowly put the pieces of the puzzle together a month ago, when Remus had been conspicuously absent from a Herbology class on lunar plants. It had hit him as he went to bed alone that night—Remus's sickly appearance every few weeks, his odd absences at seemingly random times, the way his eyes wouldn't meet any of theirs when he said he was visiting sick family—and after he'd checked the calendar, Sirius had been certain.

Sirius hadn't known how to react at first; he had been brought up to believe that Dark Creatures were worse than muggleborns, that they weren't even _human._ Even if Sirius hadn't been disinclined to believe anything his parents said, he'd still have had a hard time justifying any real negative emotions towards Remus Lupin. Sirius hadn't confronted Remus yet, and wasn't really planning to. Besides, he was busy doing everything he could to put James and Peter off the scent.

After all, he knew how important it could be to keep things hidden.

"Alex?" a voice behind them asked, effectively stopping James from making any further comments to Remus. Sirius, Remus, and James turned around to see Lily Evans standing outside the classroom, looking at them with a concerned expression on her freckled face.

"Hello Lily," Sirius said pleasantly, trying his best to grin casually. He still hadn't gotten over his fear that girls would be able to tell he wasn't one of _them_, and therefore avoided Lily and her friends as often as possible. He thought Lily was all right, though, and felt bad that it probably seemed like 'Alex' was always blowing her off.

"Is everything all right?" Lily asked, giving James a suspicious look.

"Yes, everything's all right, James has just got his knickers in a twist over nothing." Sirius rolled his eyes for emphasis.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "So I guess everything's normal then."

"Shove off, Evans," James scowled, stalking away from Remus and shooting a disgusted look over his shoulder before entering the charms classroom.

Remus slumped against the hallway wall, looking utterly drained. Sirius knew it was a full moon tomorrow night and winced.

"Look, Lily, thanks for everything, but Remus and I have got to…" Sirius racked his brain, trying to think of a plausible reason to skive off lessons.

"Look for Peter," Remus supplied, surprising Sirius with his ready lie. "Please tell Professor Flitwick we'll be late, okay?"

"Sure," Lily agreed, tucking a lock of her red hair behind one ear and giving Remus a concerned look. "Um, see you later then."

"Yeah, see you," Sirius echoed as she walked into the classroom.

"Come on then," Remus said, not looking at Sirius. "Let's go to Gryffindor Tower."

Sirius didn't say anything, but followed Remus in silence back to the common room and then up into the boy's dormitory. Sirius loved it up there—he'd only been a few times, since generally the other boys didn't appreciate having a girl up there with them, but he liked to imagine how different it would be when he would live here in 7th year, once he was of age and could testify against his parents.

Remus sat down on the edge of the bed and put his head into his hands. Sirius stood in the middle of the circular dormitory, unsure if he should break the silence or wait for Remus to speak.

"James will get over it," Sirius said finally, unwilling to bear the heavy quiet between them any longer. "He's just upset because I'm going out for Beater and he's trying for Chaser, and he wanted you to play too. It'll all blow over though, you know how he is."

Remus took his head out of his hands and looked up at Sirius with his amber-brown eyes. "How much do you know, Alex?"

Sirius gulped. _The million galleon question_, Sirius thought. "Um," he started, unsure of how to respond. He thought about how he would feel, if someone knew who he really was, and what he'd be feeling in that position. Ironically, Sirius decided that honesty was the best policy.

"You're a werewolf."

Remus nodded calmly, though his face grew a little paler and his eyes darkened. "Yes, I thought you might have figured it out. How long?"

"Since last full moon."

Remus didn't say anything; he just sat on his bed, eyes unfocused and looking utterly lost.

"I don't care, Remus," Sirius said, the words coming out in a rush as his chest twisted painfully. "I never did. It was a bit of a shock, of course, but I don't feel any differently about you."

Remus looked up then, eyes bright and mouth twisted in a nightmarish parody of a smile. "You don't care, Alex? You don't care that once a month I'd love nothing more than to eat you alive? You don't care that I'm not even _human_?"

Something inside Sirius suddenly snapped. Remus's words awoke haunting memories of his mother's cold hate, and the burden of two years of lies came crashing down on him. Sirius could not know what it was to be a dark creature, but he understood how it was to feel trapped in your own skin-- or rather, how it felt to be trapped in skin that is anything _but_ your own.

"That's bollocks, Remus. You're more human than _any_ of us. You're kind and smart and funny and it's _not your fault_ that you're a werewolf, and _I don't care!_" Sirius was screaming now, his heartbeat loud in his ears and his girlish voice echoing through the dormitory. "You're one of my best friends and _I don't fucking care_ what the bloody Ministry says about werewolves, it's not true, you're not a Dark Creature, you're one of the best friends I've ever had and I only wish that I could help—"

Remus stopped Sirius's outburst by clapping his hand over Sirius's mouth. "Alex," he said, very softly, "thank you, but please shut up before all of Hogwarts hears."

Sirius nodded his head, and Remus released his hand. They stood there, looking at each other, each taking heavy breaths. Sirius felt the weight of all his secrets—his biggest secret—ricocheting inside him like a thousand bludgers.

"I'm sorry I lied to you," Remus said finally, looking away from Sirius and out the nearest Gryffindor Tower window. "It's just I didn't want anyone to find out. I didn't trust myself with telling you—if you and James and Peter hated me, I wouldn't want to go on. I would want to leave Hogwarts, and never see another witch or wizard again. I wasn't brave enough to—to even give you the chance, to give _me_ a chance."

Sirius didn't know what to do, so he stopped thinking and threw his arms around Remus's shoulders in a brotherly embrace. It wasn't until Remus hugged him back that he realized he'd never done this before with any of his friends. He also remembered that it wasn't _Sirius_ who was hugging Remus; it was Alex.

Sirius gently let his arms fall.

"I have a confession to make, Remus," Sirius said slowly. Remus, who was still looking rather surprised from the impromptu hug, nodded silently. "There's something I can't tell you, and I've had to lie about it. I don't want to, but I have to. Please don't ask me what it is," Sirius rushed on, though Remus hadn't tried to speak. "I'm—I'm obligated not to say anything. I promise, though, that I'll tell you someday. I just don't want you to feel like you did something wrong, by not telling me and James and Peter, 'cos there's stuff about me you don't know yet."

Remus nodded his head. "All right. Just… make sure you tell me if you're in trouble, okay?"

Sirius nodded his agreement, though it felt like just another lie.

"I'm going to tell James and Peter tonight. It's not right to keep it from them any longer—they deserve the chance to know." Remus looked down at the frayed hem of his jumper, idly tugging at the loose threads. "Thanks for not saying anything to them, Alex."

"No problem. I guess you could say I know how it feels to keep secrets."

Remus rolled up his sleeves before facing Sirius again. "I know you have your own secrets to keep, but I trust you."

Sirius grinned before he could help himself; he and Remus were two really mushy blokes. Well, at least Sirius had a bit of an excuse—he's supposed to act like a girl, after all.

"At least James will stay off your back about Quidditch now," Sirius said jokingly, trying to turn the conversation into less heart-felt, soul-baring territory. "I assume that's why you don't want to try out, isn't it?"

"Well yes, I suppose that's part of it," Remus said, laughing. "But mostly I just don't like flying in front of a crowd."

* * *

**Notes:** Reviews are adored:) 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

During the summer before third year, Sirius spent a great deal of time doing two things. The first involved a great deal of time on the Quidditch pitch, and the second a great deal of time in the library.

Sirius hadn't made the Quidditch team the year before, although James had. Sirius, not one to admit defeat, made sure to spend at least half his waking hours on a broomstick beating bludgers through the air. He liked cheering James on, but he was tired of being on the sidelines. He wanted action.

In that respect, it was very similar to what he was doing in the library. He wanted to find a way to help Remus with his transformations, so he spent innumerable hours researching anything and everything he thought could possibly assist him. He supposed it wasn't the same as being on the sidelines during James's Quidditch games, but he still hated that he couldn't be with Remus during his monthly ordeal, and resolved to do everything he could to remedy that.

Two weeks or so into vacation, the answer came to Sirius as he was thinking of ways to disguise a human from a wolf. He suspected that had he not needed to use a disguise daily, it would have taken him a great deal longer to work out that becoming animagi would work.

The problem with that, however, was whether the glamour Sirius used would mask the sex of whatever animal he turned into. Realizing that posing the question to McGonagall under any circumstances would incite far too much suspicion, Sirius decided to practice alone before showing James and Peter. _Of course,_ Sirius thought wryly, _if my inner animal is something stupid like a bloody cow I needn't worry. Suicide would fix that well enough. _

Like the previous summer, Sirius found himself exchanging letters with his three best friends frequently. Surprisingly, however, Lily Evans owled him as well.

_Dear Alex,_

_Hello! I hope your summer is going very well! I didn't know where you lived, so I hope this post owl found you well enough.  
I know we don't get a chance to talk much at school (don't worry, I blame Potter!) but I was hoping that you'd come over to my house for my birthday party. It will just be all of the girls from Gryffindor and one or two from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, and no boys! My sister will be there too, but she'll leave us alone, don't worry. Anyway I'd really love it if you could come, and a gift isn't necessary! It's a slumber party so make sure you bring some PJs and a toothbrush._

_My address is on the paper attached. My family is muggle so we're having our fireplace connected to the floo network especially for my party._

_I really hope you can come! Please owl your reply before August second (my birthday's the seventh!)_

_Your friend,_

_Lily Evans_

Sirius felt guilty about brushing off Lily Evans yet again, but the very thought of being surrounded by girls and _sleeping over_ at her house (at least he assumed that's what it was—and isn't that a bloody boring idea anyway? Sleeping at the same time, what does that accomplish?) was unthinkable. He sent her a reply saying that he couldn't make it (not exactly a lie) but also asked Dumbledore if he could take some of his money out of his vault at Gringotts a little early this year.

Dumbledore peered at Sirius from behind his half-moon spectacles. "Ah, yes. Ms. Evans will be thirteen this August, I believe."

"Er, yes. I told her I couldn't come, but I still wanted to get her something…." Sirius trailed off, settling himself comfortably in the chair in Dumbledore's office.

"That is very thoughtful of you, Mr. Black. I'm glad that you have made some female friends as well. I daresay she's an improving influence."

Sirius grinned roguishly at the headmaster. "James and Remus and Peter are very improving, sir. I learn _loads_ with them."

Dumbledore gave a small chuckle. "Yes, I suppose you do. Now, Mr. Black, about your financial situation. As you know your parents have frozen your trust account at Gringotts as you are the only one with access. Currently your balance is both protected and quite large, so I do not believe you should worry about it any time soon. However, it might be wise if you invested some of it."

"Invest it?" Sirius asked, intrigued. "You mean I can make money?"

"No overly large ventures, of course," Dumbledore smiled, "but yes, invest a small portion of it judiciously and you can make a tidy sum of money."  
"That sounds like a good idea," Sirius said contemplatively. "I mean, I'd be bound to run out sometime anyway. Can I choose what I invest it in?"

"Of course. If you'd like, I could give you a guide for the London Wizard's Stock Exchange."

"Brilliant! Thanks, professor."

"And in the meantime," Dumbledore continued, swishing his wand and conjuring a small golden key midair, "I'll have Hagrid visit Diagon Alley early to pick up your new school things and withdraw some funds from your Gringotts account. Doubtlessly you and your friends will put the galleons to good use in Hogsmeade this year."

* * *

_Dear Alex,_

_I'm sorry you couldn't make it to the party, but I sent you some muggle party favors and birthday cake. I used an express post owl, so it should still taste good!_

_Thanks so much for the lovely gifts! It was so thoughtful of you, though I feel like I shouldn't be accepting them, they must have cost you a fortune! The perfume smells wonderful, and the charms books look so interesting, I can't wait to get back to Hogwarts so I can try some of them out!_

_Thanks again Alex! I'll see you soon!_

_Your friend,_

_Lily_

_

* * *

_

Becoming Alex Rendall again was awkward, to say the least. Sirius portkeyed to King's Cross and met up with three very bronze boys.

"Bloody hell," Sirius said, regarding his three friends. "Where did you lot go this summer?"

Sirius saw the three boys exchange somewhat guilty looks. "We're really sorry Alex, but my mom didn't want any girls to come," Peter explained in rush. "It's nothing against you, honest, we really wanted you to come with us, but she didn't think it would be appropriate. We just spent a week at the beach, it wasn't a big deal or anything."

"If it wasn't a big deal, why didn't you tell me?" Sirius replied viciously, anger bubbling up inside him. He knew he was being childish, but he didn't care—it still hurt to be left out.

Before any of his friends could formulate a response, Lily Evans walked up to Alex. "Hey," she said, pushing a stray lock of hair out of her face. "Thanks again for the birthday gifts, Alex. I wish you could have made it to the party!"

Sirius saw James and Remus exchange another guilty look, and he felt a cold satisfaction that he'd made them feel bad for him. He turned back to Lily and gave her a wide smile.

"Oh no Lily, thanks so much for inviting me!" Sirius said brightly. "I'm sorry I couldn't come."

To Sirius's surprise Lily gave him a quick hug, like he'd seen girls exchange with each other in the hallways at school. It was his first time being on the receiving end of a hug, and suddenly he knew how awkward Remus must have felt last year, though at the time it'd felt natural enough to him….

"I hope we'll get to spend more time with each other this year, Alex, really. I hope you don't feel like you can't spend time with us just because you're not in our dormitory. We all really like you, you know," Lily said kindly. Sirius nodded, touched at her concern, however misplaced he thought it was.

"Don't worry. I'll see you later, all right?"

"Of course," she beamed back at him, and Sirius waved as she walked away, pointedly ignoring the trouble-making boys beside him.

James gave him an odd look. "I didn't know you were friends with Evans."

"She's nice," Sirius responded, not sure of the answer to his unspoken question.

"Just because she hates you doesn't mean she hates _all_ of us," Remus said, giving James a sly look.

"Bollocks. She hates you and Peter just as much."

"Nah, she doesn't," Peter teased as all four of them headed onto the train. "You're the biggest git, after all."

"Oi!" James cried indignantly. "Who's the one who's always getting points for Gryffindor, eh?"

"I don't think they count if they're only from Quidditch," Remus laughed, sitting next to Sirius in their compartment. "Ready for tryouts, Alex?"

"Yep," Sirius replied, his excitement at being with his friends eclipsing his earlier frustration. "I've been practicing all summer."

"Really? The muggles didn't notice?" James asked, interested. "Why didn't you say so? Next summer I should come over and we can practice together."

"Um," Sirius said, inwardly cursing himself for saying something so thoughtless. "I don't think I'll make the team, though," he finished unconvincingly.

Remus gave him a strange look. "Sure you will, Alex."

"Yeah, there's two open beater spots this year, you're sure to make it." Peter confirmed.

"Why don't you think Evans cares about Quidditch?" James asked abruptly, his eyebrows furrowed in thought. "D'you think it's 'cos she's muggle-born?"

"Can't be," said Remus reasonably. "My mother's muggle-born and she likes Quidditch well enough. So do other muggle-born students."

"Just because she's not impressed by _you_ doesn't mean she doesn't like Quidditch," Sirius said, grinning.

"Do girls care about that sort of thing, though?" James continued, looking out the window at the landscape rushing by them. "I mean of course they do. Don't they?"

Alex gave him a blank look. "How the bloody hell should I know?"

Remus, James, and Peter turned to look at him. Cursing himself yet again, Sirius rushed to cover his mistake. "I mean, I only hang out with you lot. Don't know what the other girls think. Not enough about pranks, in my opinion."

"Which reminds me," James said suddenly, "I had an idea for a brilliant prank this term. I think I've found a way to charm the ceiling in the Great Hall."

"What?" asked Peter, incredulous. "How? And why didn't you mention it to me and Remus?"

"I was waiting for Alex," James explained, pushing his glasses past the bridge of his nose.

James began to enthusiastically describe the idea for the prank. Peter nodded his head along and said "right, right" at regular intervals, and Remus was a warm presence next to Sirius, smiling as his eyes glowed with mischief. Soon Sirius forgot that he'd ever felt left out his friends' plans.

* * *

Sirius felt confident as he dismounted onto the Quidditch pitch two weeks into term. He felt that his tryout had gone very well; he hadn't missed a bludger once, and had saved his teammates from getting hit several times. James had given him a thumbs up after a few especially spectacular moves, further boosting Sirius's confidence that he'd done extremely well.

"All right you lot, listen up," shouted Tim Beckett, Gryffindor's Quidditch captain. "You all played well today. The new team members will be posted on the notice board tomorrow after dinner." He gave some of the more nervous looking students reassuring smiles. "If you didn't make it this time, don't worry. Just try out next year."

As the players disbanded, Remus and Peter descended from the stands to where James and Sirius were taking off their Quidditch pads. Sirius, who had initially felt very silly tying his hair up in a pony tail, was very glad for it as he wiped the sweat from his forehead.

"Well done Alex!" Remus said, patting Alex gently on the back. Sirius smiled and punched Remus back on the shoulder, hard.

"Thanks, Remus," Sirius said, laughing at Remus's raised eyebrows.

"Hold on a minute, Rendall," Beckett called out as Peter and James began congratulating him for securing a spot on the team. "Can I talk to you for a moment, in private?"

Sirius gave his three friends a wink and motioned for them to head back without him. He strode over to where Beckett was standing with the Quidditch gear.

"Wotcher, Tim" Sirius said, pulling out his wand and helping Beckett levitate the Quidditch gear back to the shed.

"Thanks. Look, Rendall," Beckett said, glancing warily around the now empty pitch. "I need to talk to you about your try out."

Sirius looked up at the taller, blonde sixth year. "Pretty good, eh?" he said, grinning. "It was fun. I'd been practicing all summer."

Instead of smiling, Beckett cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Rendall, I'll give it to you straight. I can't let you play beater for Gryffindor."

It took a few moments for Beckett's words to register in Sirius's mind, but when they did Sirius stopped abruptly, causing the levitated Quidditch gear to fall to the ground. _"What?"_ Sirius all but shouted.

"I'm sorry," Beckett said quickly, meeting Sirius's angry gaze. "You're a great girl, I like you fine, hell if you were older I'd consider dating you, but the thing is—we can't have a girl playing beater on the team. They're too delicate, and they can't handle the position come game time."

Had Sirius not been so shocked he would have punched Beckett. But as it was he could only stare at the captain, dumbfounded.

"Look, don't take it personally. I'd say this to any girl going out for beater. Just try out for a different position next year, all right? Maybe seeker, girls are generally all right there. I'll make sure to give you special consideration. And maybe I'll ask you out for a weekend to Hogsmeade next year. Think about it, all right?" Beckett gave Sirius one last smile before striding away with the Quidditch gear, leaving Sirius slack-jawed and alone on the pitch.

* * *

"That _bastard!"_ James yelled later that evening in the Gryffindor common room after a shell-shocked Sirius had finally related the story to most of his fellow third years.

For once, Lily seemed to be in complete agreement with James. "But how could that possibly be _allowed_?" Lily asked, eyes wide.

"Quidditch captains have complete say over who does and doesn't make the team," Peter said dully, mouth set into a frown. "And I suppose Alex couldn't prove that was the reason why she didn't make the team. Beckett would hardly advertise it."

"Fuck!" James said, pushing his glasses back into place. They'd nearly fallen off after his last outburst unsettled them. "I'm quitting the team in protest. That's total bollocks!"

"What?" Addy Johnson shrieked, while Peter and Lily gasped loudly. "You can't quit the team! How will that help anything?"

"She's right, James," said Sirius, looking up at James and meeting his best friend's smoldering gaze. "I appreciate the thought, but it won't do any good if you quit. You're one of the best chasers, after all."

James looked like he wanted to argue, but didn't say anything when he saw the determination in Sirius's face. "Fine, then. But I'm going to be captain when that prick's gone, and _then_ we'll see how much better our team is when the best players actually _make_ the team."

As rotten as Sirius felt, a wave of gratitude welled up inside him. "Thanks, James," he said sincerely.

Remus sat next to Sirius on the couch and put an arm around his shoulders. "Do you want me to beat Beckett up for you?" he asked, half-joking.

Sirius gave a small laugh, though his heart wasn't in it. "Thanks for trying to help, Remus. But it wouldn't make a difference. You have no idea how rotten it feels to be rejected because of—" Sirius snapped his jaw shut mid-sentence, but it was too late; Remus had already stiffened next to him, his arm rigid where before it had been comforting.

"No, I suppose I don't," Remus said evenly.

"Oh god Remus, I didn't mean—"

James coughed loudly, signaling for Sirius to shut up. Lily and her friends were giving them weird looks.

"I'm for bed," Remus said, getting up quickly. He gave Sirius a small smile, as if to say that everything was all right, before he turned towards the boys' dormitory, ignoring the girls' curious glances. "I'll see you lot in the morning."

More miserable than he had been before, Sirius made his way towards his private room near the girls' dorms. He was furious with himself for being so incredibly thick. This is what Remus dealt with _every day_ of his life as a werewolf. This had only happened to Sirius _once_, and besides that he wasn't really a girl! Any discrimination he faced was temporary. Compared to what Remus would face for the rest of his life, how could getting turned down from the Quidditch team until James made captain even _begin_ to compare?

That night Sirius didn't get any sleep. He resolved to redouble his efforts to become an animagus, and to include James and Peter in the plan as soon as he was sure it wouldn't reveal his own secret.

His thoughts were still a messy swirl of sadness and regret by the time he got up the next morning, though Quidditch try-outs were the last thing on his mind.

* * *

The next day at dinner, Sirius sat in his usual place with his fellow marauders. Lily and her friends sat near them, and kept shooting him sympathetic looks. Sirius was still angry with Beckett, but he had more important things on his mind; his room was filled with advanced transfiguration books, and he knew he'd have to look through each tome.

A shriek of laughter interrupted Sirius's brooding; he looked up from his roast beef and saw that James, Peter, and Remus were sharing satisfied smiles.

"What…?" Sirius started to ask, but before he could finish his question the Great Hall erupted in laughter.

Somewhere down the Gryffindor table Beckett gave an angry roar and jumped out of his seat. It was then that Sirius noticed what had happened; the ceiling had been charmed to reflect the students in the Hall instead of the outside sky, almost like a mirror. Except it didn't reflect Beckett in his Gryffindor robes—it reflected him without his trousers or shirt.

Instead it showed him wearing pink lacy _girl_ knickers and matching bra.

Of course the real Beckett was clothed normally, but that didn't stop him from running out of the Great Hall, face bright red as everyone witnessed the spectacle.

The best part about this prank (besides the revenge), James later confided in Sirius, was that nobody even thought to suspect them. Why would the marauders prank the captain of their own Quidditch team, after all?

Sirius wasn't sure, but he thought he saw Lily send James something akin to an approving smile.

* * *

Sirius padded quietly into the Hogwarts infirmary. It was only just dawn, and the light streaming through the windows was pale and feather-light.

On the last bed lay Remus Lupin, wearing only flannel pajama bottoms. His upper torso was covered in bandages, and on the patches of skin that weren't covered Sirius saw thin white lines—scars from full moons long ago.

Sirius had made it a habit ever since the Quidditch fiasco to visit Remus the morning after every full moon. He knew that Madam Pomfrey patched him up and then went to report to Dumbledore over breakfast, so he had a good hour alone with him.

Sirius dropped a parcel of sweets onto Remus's bedside table. They bore no tag, and Sirius hoped that Remus would never find out that he was the one who kept leaving him sugar quills and Honeydukes chocolate.

After Dumbledore had given Sirius the bi-weekly subscription to _The Wizard's Economist_, Sirius had been investing a good amount of galleons into the two industries he believed in most—Zonkos and Honeydukes. He didn't think his friends thought it that odd that he encouraged them to spend their money there, and it wasn't as if they needed much convincing.

Sirius sat down in the chair beside Remus's bed and watched his friend sleep. Remus's tawny hair looked coppery in the golden light streaming through the windows. Sirius was relieved that his face bore no grimace of pain. He knew only the most rudimentary of healing spells, though it was on his To-Do list to learn more.  
Remus's even breathing, the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the shadows of his eyelashes on his cheek… Sirius found that _he_ could scarcely breathe for the sight before him. He'd never seen anyone else look so open before, and watching the self-controlled Remus like this left him breathless.

As he had done the previous times he'd visited Remus the morning after, Sirius tentatively reached out a hand and pushed a few tendrils of tawny hair off of Remus's forehead. Sirius held his breath as he ghosted his hand down Remus's arm before taking Remus's hand into his own. The gentle hold sent warmth flooding through Sirius.

This warmth turned into icy shock when Sirius heard Remus whisper, "Alex?"

Sirius choked and dropped his hand, readying himself to make a run for it, but before he could take a step in the opposite direction he felt Remus grab his wrist.

"Don't," Remus said, entirely too awake for Sirius's liking. Sirius stopped trying to escape and turned to face Remus, who was leaning forward to hold onto Sirius. "Feels nice. Don't go."

Sirius felt his cheeks grow hot. "Why aren't you sleeping?" Sirius demanded, though with his girlish voice it came out much more breathy than he'd intended.

"I asked Pomfrey not to give me any sleeping potion this morning. I wanted to see who kept leaving me the sweets."

"So you didn't know it was me, then?" Sirius said, sitting back down in the chair. Remus didn't let go of his hand, though. Instead, he twined their fingers together.

"Oh, I had my suspicions," Remus replied, his pale pink lips turning into a sleepy smile. If Sirius had been breathing at that point, he's sure his breath would have caught in his throat.

Remus fell asleep soon, his hand still holding Sirius's.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Hey guys! Thanks for sticking with me thus far. This chapter is the end of Sirius's "easy" years at Hogwarts. This chapter is pivotal to the story, and from now on things will be much more complicated for poor Sirius. Hope to see you for chapter four! And remember, reviewing is good karma ;-) 


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